by Men's Rights Editor / in Fatherhood
Feeling Buried After Divorce
After a divorce, you may feel like you have been buried underneath a significant amount of problems. You have to deal with the fact that half of your assets are no longer there. You may be settled with paying alimony and child support and may be forced to cut costs and spending, in order to stabilize your finances.
You may have to deal with no longer spending the amount of time with your children, that you did during your marriage. You may not have a favorable child custody situation and may be forced to miss out on precious, unrepeatable moments, like holidays, vacations, or life milestones, due to your unfortunate parenting plan.
You may have to deal with the social consequences of going through the divorce process. You may not have the same relationship with friends that you once did, and you may have to deal with others, such as family members, who do not approve of divorce, as a concept, due to religious, cultural, or personal beliefs.
You may have to deal with the nonstop barrage of questions from friends and family members, who genuinely care about you and want the best for you, regarding how you are doing and how the divorce has affected you.
All of these facets may hit you all at once, and while there may be many in your corner with only their best intentions in mind, the wave of being overwhelmed underneath the sea of change can be too much for some to handle.
Organize what you can control
For men going through a divorce, it is vital to keep track of what you can control. Making a list of these changeable aspects to your situation will give you something to stride for. Items like reassessing your child custody situation, reassessing your child support, and reassessing your alimony, all can be accomplished with the assistance of your family law attorney.
This is why it is necessary to partner with a family law attorney, like those at Cordell & Cordell, who understands the unique situation that men and fathers face before, during, and after divorce. They understand your desire to be an active and loving parent in your child’s life, as well as your need to keep your head above water financially and will work as your partner to aid in your efforts.
Mental health risks
Other items that you can include on your list can involve your mental health. Too many going through the divorce experience can find themselves suffering from mental health problems. For those going through a divorce, phobias, major depression, and alcohol abuse are three of the mental health-related issues that have the largest population attributable risk proportions for both marriage and divorce, according to Acata Psychiatrica Scandinavica.
In addition, 60 percent of individuals who had previously experienced depression reported another depressive episode during their divorce, according to the Clinical Psychological Science journal.
With all of the risks involving mental health during the divorce process, suicide becomes a dangerous and more prevalent option for many who are unwell. Divorced men are twice as likely to commit suicide, in comparison to married men, according to studies from the University of California, Riverside.
All of these risks can be combatted through the enlisting of therapy. Your family law attorney is equipped with the ability of offering their own recommendations of mental health professionals, who are able to assist in your post-divorce recovery and making you feel less buried in aftermath.
It will be beneficial to you if you take an active role in your post-divorce therapy. If you take the same initiative as you do in making this type of list and know what you want to discuss before you enter a session, you can stay organized and on the track to recovery.
In order to fully organize the aspects of your life that can be changed, it is important to understand what parts you cannot change. Divorce is an event that takes two, and so it is not necessarily the most productive use of your time, pining over a life and a marriage that you no longer have.
Honoring your feelings, regarding your divorce, also means being able to recognize them as the pain of the present, rather than pain of permeance. You will not feel buried beneath these feelings forever, and you will not have to rely on the creation of lists or the aid of others forever. You will be able move forward with your life and be the man and the father that you want to be.