Facing the Feeling of Being Overwhelmed
In the cases of men facing the prospect of a divorce, they can sometimes feel defeated before any semblance of a fight begins.
Some head into the process with the understanding that they may very well lose their shirts to a system that will assume that because they are the man, they must be the primary earners and pay alimony.
They feel devastated when looking at a system that assumes that because they are a man, they are unable to provide a loving and nurturing environment in the best interests of their children, and thus, the mother should automatically have custody, forcing the father to pay child support.
That feeling of being overwhelmed by divorce is common during the process. When addressing the feeling in their book, “Divorce and Money,” Violet Woodhouse and Lina Guillen congratulate you for being normal. Even the most capable of individuals can find it difficult to balance their life, work, children, and divorce. They may lose track of aspects of each of them and feel incapable of balancing all of these responsibilities.
When facing this amount of distress, it is important for you to breathe. Even though you have a lot going on and a lot to accomplish and even though a lot of it may be difficult, it can all be accomplished. The key to making that happen is to break it down into small, manageable pieces.
When you complete several small goals each day, you are less likely to become immobilized by your overwhelmed emotional state. Accomplishing tasks, however small, will help you stay out of the crisis-like mental state and allow you to focus on your divorce case and protecting your future.
Staying away from stress may be nearly impossible during the challenges of divorce. Chronic stress can develop from the divorce experience and linger much longer than acute stress, which happens when one is in momentary danger, according to Psychology Today.
The known and unknown
As much as your finances, child custody, and assets may be in danger against a system that may punish you for being a man during the divorce experience, it is not the same level of stress that overwhelms and immobilizes the body.
The known stressors of having to start over, the loss of a familiar life, housing arrangements, paying legal fees, living on less money, and potentially not being able to live in the same household as your children. There also are the unknown stressors regarding the future where you do not know the social or emotional ramifications of the divorce, nor do you know whether or not the settlement will be fair.
As difficult as these worries are to deal with, many of them simply cannot be addressed until the divorce is finalized. Worrying about them before then will only exert energy that can be used for matters that can be addressed sooner.
No need for shame
Being overwhelmed is nothing to be ashamed about either. Many times, individuals going through the divorce experience look at the bottom line of everything they may owe their soon-to-be ex-spouse in alimony and child support, on top of everything that they may owe in legal fees and struggle to understand how they can ever financially recover from the end of their marriage.
However, it is important to realize that even though there may be a lot of money owed in the long-run, it is broken up in increments, allowing you to save small amounts of money over time. This strategy gives you the opportunity to put your mind and your emotions at ease.
With all of the noise that divorce can entail, staying calm and finding ways to temporarily ease your stress and your overwhelmed state will help you maintain your focus during the moments that matter during your divorce and custody case.