False Allegations Of Domestic Violence

false allegations of domestic violence

When it comes to domestic violence awareness, most of the attention is paid to abused women. But readers of MensRights.com know all too well how prevalent domestic violence against men is.

You also know how false allegations of abuse are being used against you, primarily for strategic legal reasons. MensRights.com discussed the issue of domestic violence against men in divorce and child custody cases with Cordell & Cordell mens divorce attorney Heather Biagi.

Men’s Rights: We’ve talked about the evidence needed to disprove false allegations or to prove that you were abused, but how can you preemptively prevent these from happening?

Heather Biagi: It kind of depends on what parties you’re dealing with. If you’re dealing with parties who don’t get along that are going through a divorce, but they’ve never had a history of violence and neither one of them is overly aggressive — and by aggressive I mean aggressively wanting one party out of the house or not — then I don’t advise my clients to worry too much about a false protection order being filed.

But in cases where I know what the posturing is going to be, if it’s a case where there’s a lot at stake – such as money or mom has it in her head that dad should not have any time with the children – then I tell my client, “if she starts a fight with you then you walk away. If she tries to say anything to you then you walk away. Be careful what you text her, she’s going to text you something awful. Be careful what you write because writing is so powerful and there’s no context to it, no tone.”

So while you might say something that’s a joke or something you’ve been saying for years, your wife could take it to the judge and say, “Here’s where he threatened to do this to me” when in fact that’s not really what happened.


Men’s Rights: If you have successfully proven that the allegations of domestic violence against you are false, what do you get out of it? Is the alleging party punished or are you just happy the charges were dropped?domestic violence

Heather Biagi: It varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and is also very dependent on what judge you’re in front of, but there are a couple of things you can potentially get out of it such as your attorney’s fees paid.

You can always request the judge to order your wife to pay your attorney’s fees since she was the one who filed a frivolous action against you.

Probably the most beneficial thing that you can get out of it is ruining the other party’s credibility. I tell my clients every time I speak with them that anytime you’re going to go to court do not embellish and do not shade it to your favor. Just tell the truth.

You don’t want to get stuck in a lie because when you lose credibility with the judge or you’ve proven that you are not an honest person in front of that judge, the judge will remember it and there is nothing an attorney — I don’t care how good they are — can do to rehabilitate their client once the client has lied to the judge.

As a mens divorce lawyer, I would consistently bring up a party’s previous lies at every hearing or motion filed.

I would say, “Judge, you remember when she filed the order of protection and it was unfounded? Do you remember when she made these allegations of abuse and they were completely unfounded? At what lengths will this person go to get what they want?”

So realistically, the benefit to you is the loss of her credibility and the ability to use that lie to your advantage in future hearings.

Losing the trust of the judge is the worst possible thing that could happen to a client.

Men’s Rights: So credibility is everything?

Heather Biagi: Absolutely. Credibility is everything.

Watch the DadsDivorce Live interview with attorney Heather Biagi on domestic violence:

Men's Rights Editor


  1. Douglas Says: May 27, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    I’m going through this right now! I made the horrible mistake of letting my estranged wife back into my home (misplaced notion of compassion and mercy due to mutual LDS beliefs, at least they are on MY part, as for hers, I dunno…). We lived together for several months, at first in mine own small half-plex and soon thereafter we rented a small home suitable for the three of us. “Wifey” began “volunteering” at WEAVE, supposedly to get free conseling and experience to re-enter workplace. I was not satisfied with explanation of her comings and goings, and demanded proof. Found evidence she was actually seeing the supposedly erstwhile druggie b/f on the sly and I kicker her out in April ’14. After only a week (Spring Break) her grown daughter brings her back and, mistakenly, I let her back in (she was also on the lease, I couldn’t legally refuse her and I didn’t want her bothering the grown daughter pregnant with her third child), with the supposed understanding that we were going to divorce anyway due to obvious lack of ability to trust, but at least I’d give her a “soft landing”. “Wifey” at first behaves, then resumes seeing druggie b/f anyway. I find out, confront her, and tell her to GTFO. SHE gets violent, grabs my laptop and threatens to smash it, demands that I give her the keys to MY car (that I’d already bought out in the property settlement). I grab laptop back, she pushes me and tries to grab keys out of my pockets. I clinch, defend contents of my pockets and my cajones. She screams to teenaged daughter (ours, we each have several grown children from prior marriages) “he’s hitting me!”. I retreat, grab house phone, and call 9-1-1 to have her removed. Deputies show up THIRTY minutes later (amazing how LE takes only ‘minutes’ when second count…), two female who’ve apparently watched too many reruns of “Cagney and Lacey”. After twenty minutes, deputies are obviously annoyed with us both. “Wifey” has asthma attack, I HELP HER set up machine (don’t want her to die on me in THAT scenario!) and treat her. Deputies interview each of us, at first “Wifey” agrees to leave peaceably IF I just give her my older car (1995 Mercedes) and let her take a few personal items. I agree and go to bedroom (I figure I’d either get it back in a few weeks or apply stipulated value against alimony) to get her purse. When I give it to deputy, she places ME under arrest for Domestic Violence. While in jail, “Wifey” makes allegation of a second incident in prior month, when in fact I never saw her at all and my verified whereabouts PROVE that I was away from the home at the time of this fabricated incident. Her allegations caused my bail ($50K) to NOT be reduced, thank goodness relatives came to my rescue! I’m certain, however, that local DA will do NOTHING to deal with this false allegation. My wish is to sue this woman in court as I have pending substantial spousal support over the next five and a half years to pay out (some $105K) and it grates me to pay anything to a person that is willing to perjure and slander me for gain and/or revenge (e.g., I wouldn’t be her patsy to play the “good little LDS housewife” outwardly to friends and family and fellow Church members, and still do drugs and “Gawd” knows what with the b/f). In light of tragic case in MA (Remy, son of former Red Sox player) I can certanly understand and can STILL applaud hard-nosed, zero tolerance attitude towards these people that think it’s ok to hit a woman. However, the law and how it’s being enforced has gone way overboard and runs roughshod over the Constitution, both Federal and State(s), the rule of law and due process. No man should have to go through this.

    • Well said.i was putting our baby to bed when my now ex I guess, was extremely intoxicated, come in drunk and abuses and mauls me when I’m trying to get up and leave. My daughter comes in and sees her punching me and she punched her and I threw her off of her and told her to take the baby out of the room, and I called 911. Nobody got arrested, but she put a vpo on me and my daughter saying I held her down and beat her then let my daughter beat her. I had bruises bites and scratches and she had a bloody nose and black eye. Found out at the vpo hearing yesterday me and my daughter both have pending charges. What kind of crap is this. I did the right thing..my daughter,idk..but still how can I be made to look like such a monster when she was in a drunken rampage? Unbelievable.

    • To the replies Ive read so far on here Ive had false allegations put against me before arrested for the first time in my life..knowing I would beat the case due to evidence and a bad police report on her behalf I took it to trail only to have it thrown out a couple of days before trail…..but look at the lawyer fees yhat I accumulated for no reason…something more needs to be done about the law to look and prosecute people who make false allegations….TonyC….

  2. 8 Years ago my wife of 17 years was having an affair with our neighbor. His wife caught them and divorced him. Through all of this I had no idea anything had happened. My wife was having a problem with stress, she said “because of her job”. Then one day she went berserk and was throwing things and screaming while me and our two kids watched. I told her to go sit down and calm down. She went into our bedroom and locked the door. A half hour later the police arrived and after talking to her arrested me for hitting her in the chest. I told them it was a lie. They said she had a red mark on her chest and I was arrested. While I was in jail for 4 days she took $10,000 out of our savings. $43,000 which was my retirement money. I ended up with 2 court cases. 1. Domestic Battery and 2. Divorce w custody battle for 2 kids and no money for an attorney. Because she was a “Battered Woman” she got her attorney for free.
    The kids wanted to live with me, as we were very close. I had to make a plan of action. I decided to do whatever it took to get my kids. To hell with everything else. I put all my effort in the divorce and took a plea agreement in the battery case. After 2 years in court my ex offered to give me the kids if I would give her everything else. House, money, cars, etc. I took it! Now I have a domestic battery on my record making me not eligible for a job with any company and am raising my 2 kids. My ex gave our house to a boyfriend. Since broke up with him and became an alcoholic.
    This is how women use the court’s today!

    • In Texas a protection order from a civil court is damn near a guarantee of impending criminal charges… I was so stupid.

      • Mr.smith Says: April 14, 2016 at 2:15 pm

        what do you mean? my wife of almost 6 years married me for a green card and falsely accused me of beating her and threatening to kill her and the kids and it was not true. So I’m interested in Texas Laws since we were married here and moved to Louisiana

  3. I just need anybody to help me find a good lawyer who helps men fighting for their kids. I was accused of domestic abuse and am currently awaiting trial. My public defender wants me to do 6 more months in jail for a crime I DID not commit. Not to mention it will be my first felony. The most of my worry being the amount of time I missed with my two boys iv taken care of 24/7 since birth the mother has always been lazy never worked and is falling school. I want my kids and these charges dropped I am willing to pay just don’t trust the lawyers in the Lafayette Indiana area please help! 219-604-1525 any information or a nudge in the right direction would be greatly appreciated! Name is Anthony montoya

    • Going through this now girlfriend went to the cop’s and made false accusations they took her to a women’s shelter they came back two days later and threw me out with nothing no money no clothes nowhere to go and told me I was on on my own gave her both automobiles in no way to work I lost my job the child even told me that wasn’t hot enough for a case of that they done this to met

  4. Cops said no evidence of abuse

  5. My state (IndianaNoPlace) now has a self-help form on the state court website that allows you to expunge arrests that did not lead to conviction.

    If a potential employer sees that you were arrested for domestic violence, they will screen you during the hiring process, even if the court hearing determines that you are not guilty and/or that it was a false charge.


    My ex-wife has successfully labeled me an abuser… the allegations only began AFTER the divorce was filed. This was a 30 year marriage. After a 1 year fight with the DA I was forced to surrender due to dwindling funds. The current abuse statistics are BS.

  7. Anonymous Says: March 7, 2016 at 12:15 am

    Me and my now ex wife would fight verbally all the time. She wanted one thing and I wanted another. We were married for three years and one day woke up on a Sunday wanting to have a good day and she had other plans. So I decide I’ll just take a drive and she loved to do this thing when I wanted to cool off and she wasn’t finished where she would stand in the doorway and wouldn’t let me out because she knew I wouldn’t touch her. Had enough so I got my things and left. Four days later cops are showing up at my parents with a warrant for me and a summons for an epo. Spent the night in jail with $15000 bond. Two weeks later go to epo hearing with a good paid lawyer and she don’t have one. Figure this is awesome all I have to do is tell the truth because I would never lay a hand on a woman and everything would be fine. Judge is a woman and wouldn’t let me speak. I have had an epo on me for 2 and half out of three years now and it’s ruined my life and not only that I lost in court so now I have a record even though the da said she was crazy. Gotta love women,the justice system and the good ol state of kentucky

  8. It is a travesty of justice and a return to the Salem witch trials if you will, when words alone can remove a man from his home, smear his name, embarrass publicly , and the courts and any less than reasonably intelligent law enforcer enables these atrocities of women who for the most part live for free and upon the backs of the men they depend upon, but wish to keep prisoner of the court. The man who is always the enemy no matter what is savagely attacked by lies spun by a woman who just don’t want to let go of him easy. He must pay. How dare he threaten her parasitic lifestyle. Then there’s the loathsome, vile, vomit known as the victim advocate. These blood thirsty ****** enter a courtroom as if it were the Nuremberg trials. The man has never seen or met them, but they have decided they know him very well. These sea gags lead that same worthless hunk of refuse that the man stupidly allowed to return to his home out of hope she was true in her wish to reconcile. It is a show worthy of lifetime tv. Point is, there is a whole battalion of evil waiting to manipulate the system just to crush an innocent man into oblivion. Stay strong

  9. Sean Solari Says: April 4, 2016 at 1:16 am

    I live in California and I’m reading all your guises post and I’m sick to my stomach and scared because my wife for five years is bipolar and a compulsive liar and she claims she sees red and she just goes often can’t control her violent outbursts. In five years she has literally punch me in the face five or six times and all the other minor crap that goes along with an argument such as blocking the doorway and screaming and throwing things and breaking things she’s real good at all that but today I had to bolt myself in the garage now she has her family and my family believing that I’m the one that gets violent she took my son in the car and took off and told me that I have less than 24 hours to get out of my home to take what I want to leave and if I didn’t I would be sorry and I’m afraid that she’s going to call the police and lie to them like all those women lied to the cops about you guys I don’t know what to do but worst part about it is I’m a recovering heroin addict and clean for over a year due to the methadone maintenance program and I don’t know if I get thrown in jail if I’m gonna be able to get my dose and I’m gonna be sicker than a dog not even going to be able to think to tell my side of the story for at least two months and less I dosed man this is ridiculous iany suggestions

  10. Women do it to other women too guys!

  11. This has truly gotten way out of control.I have proof that her and the investigating officer lied about bruises on her neck from an alleged strangulation.Odly enough no bruising was visible upon the E.R. visit.hmm

  12. I have been through this exactly and I hope to spread awareness through my own blog! Here is its latest article! I hope it might be helpful to someone going through similar trauma …


  13. My case is very different with too many details to write here. My wife was an angel, who was overcome by the devil. Mine is a problem of her destroying my reputation, not in a legal court case.

    We had a wonderful life. My wife was Amish, of course coming with a fair amount of religious background.
    She left her community to marry me. I was not church going, but I am now.
    After 16 years of marriage…..I believe the family started to manipulate her to return home.
    Not direct manipulation. But they knew my wife was easily influenced……good or bad.
    And that’s what they did. They got her and her married sisters into fanatical religion…..knowing that would cause
    conflicts with the spouse. It did. The other husbands have said….they didn’t recognize who they were married to
    anymore. (fast forward) We divorced.
    But after leaving me and my sick and dying mother (not a christian move), she started spreading a horrible story
    that I abused and threatened her! Omg! I love my wife so much to this day. She even went so far as to tell this
    to the minister of my church,, thus ruining the 100+ year relationship my family had with the church.
    The female minister gobbled her story up being female herself. And my own minister never asked me
    about it. We need to stop this automatic belief for females over males.

    I have no idea how to stop her from bearing false witness against me.
    I just feel so sad, so betrayed about this. I saved my wife’s life 3 times……then why would I want to hurt her?
    It doesn’t make sense.
    I can never resolve this in my heart. I trusted her. I planned to spend my whole life with her.
    Now I have to spend the rest of my life alone.
    I’m so sad.

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